Mom Says:
For our family, after graduation, the course ahead was set. Steffany was
leaving for college in two and a half months! There was much to take care of
besides the normal demands of work and family. As mother, I felt I needed to
be the navigator who would make sure that our ship stayed on course. I was
making lists, shopping, starting the packing, and working with Steffany on
responding to the paperwork requests from the college. As organized as I
thought I was, I often seemed to feel behind the eight ball. What bothered
me most, however, was the effect the stress of the new responsibilities
started to have on our relationship as parent-child. As much as I wanted to
offer total support to my child during this stage, I felt that she was
procrastinating, spending too much time with her friends and not taking
responsibility for dealing with the things that needed to get done.
Expressing my feelings about this apparent attitude led to spats and a few
full-fledged arguments between us. It seemed like I had become a drill
sergeant with constant demands while she had become frustrated, sullen,
angry and distant. We learned it the hard way but we did eventually learn to
avoid the traps parents and students could fall into during this busy and
emotional phase. Here are some tips that hopefully will help:
Tips to parents from Mom:
*Carefully read the reams of information sent from the college. Keep a file
for all of this information and make sure your child also reads and
understands it as well. Most communications from colleges provide helpful
tips and important directions on shopping, packing, schedules, and the
move-in process, and should not be missed.
*Work together on the preparation for the move. Don't be burdened alone.
This is an important opportunity for your child to take on responsibilities;
after all, he/she will soon be living on his/her own.
*Discuss financial responsibilities before the move! Don't delay the
all-important discussion regarding the money issues until problems develop
at college. Develop and agree on a budget that spells out what the
respective responsibilities are for parents and student.
*Through the challenging moments, strive to be patient with each other. The
anxieties of the soon-approaching move can cause unfamiliar emotions to
erupt and tempers to flair. Practice patience and keeping the lines of
communication open.
*Plan some family time together. Too quickly, your college-bound child will
be out the door. If circumstances permit, plan a family vacation, a long
weekend, or a special outing and enjoy the moments together. Make sure the
event is one in which both the parents and the young adult will be
interested.
*Anticipate the emotions of the eventual send-off. The departure can be an
emotional experience for families and their young adult who is leaving,
especially if it is for the first time. For family members, a child leaving
the nest can cause feelings of anxiety, loss and fears of the unknown. |
Steff Says:
Most students will agree that high school senior year is the most awesome,
happy, sad, and stressful one that they have seen to date. There will be new
emotions and worries with which to deal. With the demands of the senior
workload, college applications, college visits, extra curricular activities,
and normal social obligations, it is hard to focus on the real and important
needs of the college preparation. Suddenly, summer is here and gone and, in
a blink of an eye, you are lugging your suitcase in one hand and your new
dorm key in the other! Taking on some of the responsibilities for the move
to college is an important step in saving family members unnecessary stress,
anxiety and loss of sleep. From one who learned this, here are a few tips
that college-bound students might find helpful, as they get ready for their
move:
Tips to students from Steff:
*Organize. Many times, the parent deals with the lists, the mail, and the
deadlines. It is crucial for the student to take part in the process. Keep
your own checklist. Be sure to start early before the activities of a summer
engulf you!
*Request a list of essential packing items from your college or borrow one
from someone who has already been through the process. Go over it carefully
with your parents to make sure nothing is forgotten.
*Spend time with your good friends. In many cases, you will be leaving one
another to head to different parts of the country. Savor the moments you
have. Each of you will be experiencing similar feelings and doubts as you
prepare for this exciting and somewhat frightening step forward. Sharing
thoughts and concerns with each other can help to validate your own feelings
and make them less worrisome.
*Create or fill albums with pictures and memorabilia of your senior year.
Not only will this be fun to share many years down the road, it is an
important item to take with you so that you can share backgrounds with your
new friends at college.
* Through the whole process, be patient and help keep the family lines of
communication open. (This is easier said than done.) Parents and children
can get on each other's nerves during this transitional stage. Parents can
appear overly obsessed with lists, deadlines, reading materials and
responsibilities. Externally, students can project indifference and
procrastination while, internally, they are sometimes feeling overwhelmed,
frightened and confused. Share your feelings with your parents. At this time
in life, the worst thing you can do is to shut them out. Being open with
each other will foster a better understanding for all.
*Talk with your assigned roommate during the summer. When your college sends
information on your new roommate, make contact with her/him. It might feel
uncomfortable at first, but it can break the ice, help each of you to get to
know one another and, importantly, share thoughts on what to bring to the
new "home."
*Take part in your college orientation program. This is a great way to get
to meet new friends and get acquainted with the campus. Nowadays, most
orientation programs are well planned and help freshmen begin to feel "at
home." |
Two Sides To Every Story - The Busy Summer Before College
